Osama Confesses

I have obtained a tape of a recent conversation Osama Bin-Laden had with his Imam. I am presenting the transcript here for your reading pleasure.

Osama: Forgive me Father for I have sinned.

Imam: Tell me your sins.

Osama: I have recently thought about Jews and the thought of slaughtering them en-masse never arose.

Imam: This is very serious. You will need to recite a hundred Hail Mohammads for Allah to forgive you.

Osama: I recently said I was getting too old to wage Jihad on the Americans, and I even forgot to call them evil.

Imam: Blasphemy! Two hundred Hail Mohammads!

Osama: I had sex with a goat yesterday.

Imam: Who hasn’t? There aren’t many women hiding out in the mountains.

Osama: Yes, but how many of us do it while getting banged from behind by a camel?

Imam: All of us do it once in a while. Like I said; no women in Jihad.

Osama: I met an infidel and didn’t kill him on sight.

Imam: What treachery is this?

Osama: But I came to my senses and killed him later in the day.

Imam: Lucky for you. Three hundred hail Mohammads and fifty Praise Allahs!

Osama: I defecated without first checking my compass. It turns out I pooped at Mecca.

Imam: Five hundred Hail Mohammads, two hundred Praise Allahs, and you must visit my tent tonight with a large jar of camel grease!

The tape gets rather confused at this point. There is a long time of static with some indecipherable chanting in the background followed by what I swear are two male voices grunting and moaning.

I guess we know why Osama likes Jihad so much, now don’t we?