Raving Conservative


Monday, October 31, 2005

Osama Confesses

I have obtained a tape of a recent conversation Osama Bin-Laden had with his Imam. I am presenting the transcript here for your reading pleasure.

Osama: Forgive me Father for I have sinned.

Imam: Tell me your sins.

Osama: I have recently thought about Jews and the thought of slaughtering them en-masse never arose.

Imam: This is very serious. You will need to recite a hundred Hail Mohammads for Allah to forgive you.

Osama: I recently said I was getting too old to wage Jihad on the Americans, and I even forgot to call them evil.

Imam: Blasphemy! Two hundred Hail Mohammads!

Osama: I had sex with a goat yesterday.

Imam: Who hasn’t? There aren’t many women hiding out in the mountains.

Osama: Yes, but how many of us do it while getting banged from behind by a camel?

Imam: All of us do it once in a while. Like I said; no women in Jihad.

Osama: I met an infidel and didn’t kill him on sight.

Imam: What treachery is this?

Osama: But I came to my senses and killed him later in the day.

Imam: Lucky for you. Three hundred hail Mohammads and fifty Praise Allahs!

Osama: I defecated without first checking my compass. It turns out I pooped at Mecca.

Imam: Five hundred Hail Mohammads, two hundred Praise Allahs, and you must visit my tent tonight with a large jar of camel grease!

The tape gets rather confused at this point. There is a long time of static with some indecipherable chanting in the background followed by what I swear are two male voices grunting and moaning.

I guess we know why Osama likes Jihad so much, now don’t we?


  • No that's just totally sick .... I laughed through every sentence ..... the even funnier part is that it's probably true... lol

    By Blogger ABFreedom, at 5:31 PM  

  • Source please

    By Blogger Wasp Jerky, at 7:16 PM  

  • The source is a tape in my possession. I must protect the identity of the informant who gave it to me or his cover will be blown. It's all true, I can assure you.

    By Blogger Daniel Levesque, at 8:55 PM  

  • Wasp are you looking for source or pictures?

    By Blogger Dr. Phat Tony, at 3:24 AM  

  • Dear Mr. Bin Laden,

    I am sorry to say I cannot attend your soiree this evening.

    I have an appointment to get my hooves done.

    Your friend,

    Mrs. Yassir Arafat

    Funny stuff Dan Roflmao!

    By Blogger meesterjoneser, at 4:42 AM  

  • My friends that rained death upon the Taliban while serving in Afghanistan told me they don't use women for "pleasure" and that women are for procreation only. I don't know if that applies to Osama or not. But that's teh funny right there.

    By Blogger fmragtops, at 11:37 AM  

  • haha...i bet you stole the tape from area 51, didn't you??

    By Blogger Libby, at 4:54 PM  

  • Libby, shhhhh. Don't give away my secrets.

    By Blogger Daniel Levesque, at 5:11 PM  

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