Osama Confesses
I have obtained a tape of a recent conversation Osama Bin-Laden had with his Imam. I am presenting the transcript here for your reading pleasure.
Osama: Forgive me Father for I have sinned.
Imam: Tell me your sins.
Osama: I have recently thought about Jews and the thought of slaughtering them en-masse never arose.
Imam: This is very serious. You will need to recite a hundred Hail Mohammads for Allah to forgive you.
Osama: I recently said I was getting too old to wage Jihad on the Americans, and I even forgot to call them evil.
Imam: Blasphemy! Two hundred Hail Mohammads!
Osama: I had sex with a goat yesterday.
Imam: Who hasn’t? There aren’t many women hiding out in the mountains.
Osama: Yes, but how many of us do it while getting banged from behind by a camel?
Imam: All of us do it once in a while. Like I said; no women in Jihad.
Osama: I met an infidel and didn’t kill him on sight.
Imam: What treachery is this?
Osama: But I came to my senses and killed him later in the day.
Imam: Lucky for you. Three hundred hail Mohammads and fifty Praise Allahs!
Osama: I defecated without first checking my compass. It turns out I pooped at Mecca.
Imam: Five hundred Hail Mohammads, two hundred Praise Allahs, and you must visit my tent tonight with a large jar of camel grease!
The tape gets rather confused at this point. There is a long time of static with some indecipherable chanting in the background followed by what I swear are two male voices grunting and moaning.
I guess we know why Osama likes Jihad so much, now don’t we?
Osama: Forgive me Father for I have sinned.
Imam: Tell me your sins.
Osama: I have recently thought about Jews and the thought of slaughtering them en-masse never arose.
Imam: This is very serious. You will need to recite a hundred Hail Mohammads for Allah to forgive you.
Osama: I recently said I was getting too old to wage Jihad on the Americans, and I even forgot to call them evil.
Imam: Blasphemy! Two hundred Hail Mohammads!
Osama: I had sex with a goat yesterday.
Imam: Who hasn’t? There aren’t many women hiding out in the mountains.
Osama: Yes, but how many of us do it while getting banged from behind by a camel?
Imam: All of us do it once in a while. Like I said; no women in Jihad.
Osama: I met an infidel and didn’t kill him on sight.
Imam: What treachery is this?
Osama: But I came to my senses and killed him later in the day.
Imam: Lucky for you. Three hundred hail Mohammads and fifty Praise Allahs!
Osama: I defecated without first checking my compass. It turns out I pooped at Mecca.
Imam: Five hundred Hail Mohammads, two hundred Praise Allahs, and you must visit my tent tonight with a large jar of camel grease!
The tape gets rather confused at this point. There is a long time of static with some indecipherable chanting in the background followed by what I swear are two male voices grunting and moaning.
I guess we know why Osama likes Jihad so much, now don’t we?
posted by Daniel Levesque at
3:43 PM
6 Comments:
No that's just totally sick .... I laughed through every sentence ..... the even funnier part is that it's probably true... lol
By
ABFreedom, at 5:31 PM
Source please
By
Wasp Jerky, at 7:16 PM
The source is a tape in my possession. I must protect the identity of the informant who gave it to me or his cover will be blown. It's all true, I can assure you.
By
Daniel Levesque, at 8:55 PM
Wasp are you looking for source or pictures?
By
Dr. Phat Tony, at 3:24 AM
haha...i bet you stole the tape from area 51, didn't you??
LibbY!
By
Libby, at 4:54 PM
Libby, shhhhh. Don't give away my secrets.
By
Daniel Levesque, at 5:11 PM
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