1- I eat waaaaay to much salt. I buy it 5 pound increments and go through as many 2 shaker-fulls a week. Very little tastes quite right without it, and my sodium levels are through the roof. The good news is I have been this way my whole life, so my body is accustomed to it. My blood pressure is a cool 120/54 and my heart rate is an easy 52 bpm.
2- Watch-shaking. I have a habit of raising my hand and shaking my wrist to reposition my watch when I speak. It is for this reason that I carry a pocket watch when I must speak in public. That way I don’t distract my audience from the message by shaking my watch. I know it’s distracting because my wife tells me so.
3- Leaving the door open. No, not the front door, or even the back door, it’s the bathroom door. I have no kids and no houseguests, my wife has seen it all before, so I have no modesty whatsoever about leaving the bathroom door open no matter what I am doing in there. As a bonus, every once in awhile my #2 is so foul my wife screams at me to turn on the fart fan all the way from the bedroom. Oh yeah, I hate the noise fart fans make so I never turn them on . . . ever.
4- Strange laxative. Every once in a great while I, like most people, get constipated. What is unusual is my choice of laxative. Rather than get anything medicinal I just chug a gallon of apple juice. This done I just have to wait about 2 hours for the gas to come, and 4 hours before I experience total colon cleanliness. It works so good in fact that I wind up farting and pooping in a profuse, and exceedingly stinky manner for about a day. It is also an excellent revenge tool since, every so often my wife, wonderful as she is, does something bad enough to warrant retaliation. One gallon of apple juice later she can’t even stand to be in the house, much in bed with me there is so much horrid flatulence going around. To be fair, it’s usually in retaliation for her drinking milk and fouling up the house with her lactose intolerant flatulence. In the absence of apple juice an entire box of extra strength ex-lax will have the same effect.
5- Cold weather nudist. Well, not exactly nude, but I do get stared at when I walk outside in blizzard wearing nothing but a pair of boxer shorts, usually to take out the trash. That’s right. No shoes, socks, pants, shirt, or jacket. Just shorts. I have been known to spend time talking outside with friends under similar circumstances similarly dressed. Hey, why should I change my habits just because Mother Nature won’t cooperate?
Don’t judge me before you examine yourself.
My tags are Gayle, at Gayle’s Republican blog, Count Blogula at Count Blogula’s LIE-beral Smackdown, Dan Trabue at A Payne Hollow Visit, Samurai Sam at A Beginner’s Mind, and Rebekkah at Eye of the Storm.