Raving Conservative


Friday, December 02, 2005

Death Sentence Gladiators

This posting is based off a fanciful and satirical conversation I had with one of my patients today. Be aware that I am not advocating this. Gladiator games are reprehensible to the core. Still it was a fun conversation. Here’s the gist of it.

Why not have all death row inmates fight each other to the death in the fashion of the old Roman gladiators?

Think about it.

If justice were fully meted out to the worst members of our society, the murderers, rapists, child molesters, terrorists, and drug dealers would all be sentenced to die for their crimes. So rather than let them suck up millions of dollars while they fight the system they could make the prison system billions of dollars by fighting each other to the death. As long as the condemned man or woman keeps winning he or she will live. Losing is death, and that means the sentence has been carried out.

How would this make billions? Pay-per-view of course! No less than 60,000,000 people would tune in for $40 each on pay-per-view for every fight. Yes, there are least this many people who would love to see the degenerates kill each other off, probably far more with a worldwide audience. That means that each fight would rake in at least $2,400,000,000. Just a few fights each year would pay for the entire prison system with money left over. This makes good financial sense. Each condemned person would actually make the government money rather than wasting millions. This doesn’t even count gambling revenue, which gets taxed.

Not ever fight would be fair. Terrorists are a mixed bunch and would be the wildcards. Child molesters are generally weak, hence their preying on the most helpless members of our society. They wouldn’t stand a chance against a hardened murderer or drug dealer. Rapists would most likely beat child molesters, though they are also people who prey on those who are weaker than them, but would be less likely to survive a fight with a murderer or drug dealer. Drug dealers would generally stand the best chance against murderers, especially against the sneaky ones. However, the most dominant gladiators are likely to be the most brutal, most psychotic murderers. People like Tookie Williams in his younger days.

Who wouldn’t have loved to see Tookie Williams chop Charles Manson and Jeffrey Dahmler into pieces? How about watching Ted Bundy slaughter a few child molesters?

Justitainment is what this would be. It is the People’s Court taken its greatest extreme.

Being serious for a moment I must point out a few things.

Such a system would make heroes of the worst dregs of our society. Young children would grow up wanting to emulate their favorite depraved killers, I mean gladiators. It would cheapen life in general. It would harden the population to violence and make us a more violence prone people as a whole by glorifying real slaughter. It would also open up the prison system to corruption of Running Man proportions where the guys running the gladiator program would be tempted to frame up non-death penalty criminals for murders in prison and make them fight to the death. This would be a very bad thing to do.

Still . . .


  • Well, yeah. There's an awful lot we could do to make the punishment fit the crime, if only we could be sure that everybody who was convicted was actually guilty.

    If only.

    By Blogger catastrophile, at 12:13 PM  

  • good idea! i suggested the start of this too, with my suggestion that convicted child rapists in prison should have no choice but to wear a bright pink t-shirt in prison!!
    BoUnCeS!! LibbY!

    By Blogger Libby, at 2:40 PM  

  • I'd watch!

    By Blogger Peakah, at 6:51 PM  

  • You're not a Raving Conservative, you're a raving lunatic (grin). Of course we'd never do it, America is a better place than that, but I have to admit I was really into entertaining the thought as I read through.

    By Blogger Fish, at 5:47 AM  

  • The only problem I see is that some weenie Hollywood lefty like Clooney would get hold of the rights and make it into some screwball left wing propaganda tool against capital punishment!

    Good post!


    By Blogger The Liberal Lie The Conservative Truth, at 6:42 AM  

  • BTW, I love the blog you have, and I have you linked at mine...

    And THAT is MY Opinion... by TexasFred

    By Blogger TexasFred, at 11:05 AM  

  • Has anyone ever told you, you have a beautiful mind?
    What a fantastic idea. And yes, I'm serious.
    Of course the ACLU will never let us get away with it. Now if we could just figure out a way to get THEM in the arena as well!!

    By the way 'bickle691', not everyone on the left is against the death penalty. I know lots of lefty's who support capital punishment.

    Very clever of you Daniel to pick up on the name change! I was planning to make the official announcement on New Years Day. I was wondering how many would notice before I said anything. You're the first!

    By Blogger wanda, at 11:36 AM  

  • This probably wouldn't work but it was a nice thought :-). My kids and I studied Ancient Rome this year while homeschooling and I must admit it was a fascinating subject.

    By Blogger Little Miss Chatterbox, at 5:10 PM  

  • When we gonna start the pitch to Fox, or HBO on this?

    Better, do one on one matches, winner gets his/her sentence commuted to life w/o parole.

    By Blogger Crazy Politico, at 6:42 PM  

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